im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
