you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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