I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
