I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
