did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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