dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
