i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
