brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
