this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
