Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
