I think I won the penis lottery.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
