I just made out with a guy for $7.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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