mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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