I accidentally had phone sex last night
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
