So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
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Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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