well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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