im six kinds of drunk right now
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Holy shit dude........stairs
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
