i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
