I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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