i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
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oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
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Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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