This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
