The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
