He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
