Pants 0. Shit 1.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Randomize
