Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
