what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
