You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
