he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i now understand why vodka
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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