I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
