he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
