This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
