Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
