just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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