I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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