You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
