It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
