Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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