Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
