I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My ass is underappreciated
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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