My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
