we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
