Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
