Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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