I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
