I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
