I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
