Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
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She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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