omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
