also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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