Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
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I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
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The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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