I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
