If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
