what if every blade of grass was a penis?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
