we were pretty classy up until the second keg
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
