You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
