with your own penis?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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