I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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