There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
