1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
