Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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