I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
That was before I lit my hair on fire
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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