There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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