she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
